left brain-right brain, and contentment

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, Harvard trained neuroanatomist, with the experience of a left brain stroke at the age of 37, speaks about the two sides of the brain and what that means about who we are. Dr. Taylor’s TED talk and her interview with Oprah are embedded below and most of the following is based off of what i learned from her talks and her book…

she listed that the left brain thinks in language, works with details, and is very liner/sequential. it references past and future, seeks differences/boundaries, analyses critically, and is judgmental about right and wrong. it is competitive, confrontational, has a sense of time, and is on the clock with a sense of urgency. currently our society is very left-brain dominant. we’re in a very fast paced world where we value boundaries and time, people are separate and disconnected, and we like to keep scores and be competitive. the left brain is very useful (of course!) as it helps us be productive and communicate, it helps us assess danger, and it provides contexts.

however as illustrated above by Dr. Taylor, the left brain cares more about being right than it does about being happy. it cares more about being right than about being connected and content. Dr. Taylor emphasizes that we have a choice, that we have emotional accountability and we are ACCOUNTABLE for our own emotions and states of mind.

the right brain on the other hand is non-verbal, and thinks in pictures. it is kinesthetic and present centered. the type of thinking here is holistic, and it seeks similarities and connection. it is compassionate and non-confrontational and content. its time orientation is that of being in the flow.

there is a lot of research and emphasis on being “whole brained”  now. instead of polarizing expertise and personalities on one side or the other, can we be more integrated? Dr Taylor said that what has been happening for decades is that kids who are “left-brained” are in professions that are “left brained.” the benefit of specialization is there, but this social strategy creates a divide where art and science are separate and the scope of an individual is limited.

so the right brain is engaged at times when we are immersed or in flow of something, and we are not paying attention to time. when we feel connection and similarities to others, without being very aware of our differences, when we stop counting grievances and allow ourselves to feel at peace, and in the moment.

Dr Taylor discovered this experientially after having a stroke in her left brain. she could not speak, she could not distinguish form and background, but she described feeling like it was what has been described as “nirvana.” the voice that constantly reminded her of her to do lists, and the constant commentary that we experience inside our heads stopped for her. this was an extreme case of right-brained-ness, but how do we integrate more wholeness into everyday lives so that one side of our brain is not amplified on thinking-steroids?

for left-brain folks: meditation, yoga, art, music… are some ways in which we engage and enhance the parts of the brain that don’t work too well for us. when we feel disconnected and detached we can choose to spend more time being right brained. the right brain would rather be happy than right.

i know that my staunchest left brain friends (you know who you are) and clients i work with dislike, no abhor, the proposition of not being “right.” the philosophy here is that it is not a choice between being right or wrong, my implication is that reality is not dualistic. reality is multi-faceted, and we select what we focus on, we choose which aspects of reality we will integrate and which parts we will ignore and leave out. the result often is an incomplete version of reality. so when the focus is on the differences, grievances, boundaries, competition, criticism, cynicism, and urgency, we enhance our ability to see those aspects of reality more because we work out those “muscles” in the brain more.

as far as we know, it is a simple case of amplifying areas used more often and atrophying areas that are not. just like a language that we practice is remembered and one that is not is forgotten. so when we meditate, it is scheduled brain workout, with the goal being to carry over that mindset throughout the day. however if one really enjoys and wants to continue a sense of separation, grievance and criticism, they can also meditate on that more systematically 😉 (it’s kind of what many of us do all day unconsciously anyways!)

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the importance of perspective

Viktor Frankl (1984) wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms- to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” (pg. 86). this view of having the power to change our attitudes in any given circumstance can be very liberating, but it can also be taken as insensitive and overly simplistic if we do not explore deeper into what it means.

is changing our attitude simply a mind game, a form of mental gymnastics to deny how we really feel or is there more to it? should we blame people for feeling bad about unfortunate circumstances?

i would like to propose that there are unlimited potentials and possibilities available to us at all times and that we simply tune into different experiences based on our perspective, history and pre-dispositions. the trouble may lie in the fact that we often forget that we are at liberty to choose the perspective we take in a given circumstance. unfortunately once we are tuned into a particularly unpleasant possibility, we may become lost in it, and focus on it so much that we forget our way out of it. we can dig ourselves so deep into the problem that we feel we have lost our way. we may focus on certain aspects of reality and deny what else is available. we may accept certain things as immutable facts without remembering the possibility that the “fact” that we believe and hold on to does not have to become the truth. we may be drawn to habitual responses that do not serve us well.

what happens in my body when i slam the break because i am close to having an accident is similar to what happens when i am on a roller coaster and am excited about the ride. the level of fear and doom i feel is related to my perspective. do i think i’m dying or do i think i’m in for a fun ride. excitement and nervousness can use the same pathways, intense love and intense sadness can activate similar feelings… this is why sexual arousal may be traumatic and anxiety provoking for some and exciting for others, falling in love can feel euphoric to some and be an anxiety provoking prelude of pain to others. so although what happens to trigger us may be out of control, how much suffering is yielded may be something we can work with.

our past experiences, learning and biological pre-dispositions may make this easier or more difficult. i am not interested in blaming myself or others for feeling bad when they may be able to find peace, my interest is in empowering ourselves to remember that there is some possibility of freedom and peace that lies within us.

the “roller-coaster of life” image was drawn by Poroma Kanya 

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being childlike

i was talking to some friends about the 14th Dalai Lama and my friend’s brother commented (i’m paraphrasing): “I’ve heard the Dalai Lama is like a child, he went into training so young, he’s very wise but he has this child-like attitude.” i knew exactly what he was referring to as i’ve seen his eyes and his smile twinkle with curiosity, joy and awe at things.

there is a meditation with six techniques for settling the mind, one of which is: settle the mind like a baby looking at a temple wall. not inspecting or scrutinizing the details of the murals. just observing the rough design without becoming involved… in other words, we consider any external object before us while we are meditating to be merely a play of light and remain focused instead on our object.

but being childish or childlike is also used as an insult, to show immaturity and naivete. i’ve heard adult clients call themselves childish with intense shame, and i’ve heard adults tell children to “stop being childish” and i wonder what it means to be raw, emotional, unworked and why it is an aspirational state as well as a state to overcome. perhaps what we want is a modified child state- awe, curiosity, happiness without the intense vulnerability and propensities to “make mistakes.”

i wonder if we get angry because we want to deny our inner child or because we are so far removed from it that it makes us sad.

recently i saw our two month old niece smiling away and cooing to some bright paintings on the wall. we, the adults, sat around, wondered what she was seeing, what was she looking at, what was she so happy about. it invited us into a state of wonder to see the paintings with different eyes, we were reminded how cool lights and colors are, but as we did it we also tried to rationalize and provide a storyline about why she was happy. meanwhile the baby continued to aah and ooh.

at some point we grow up and the novelty can wear off. but more so it seems that there is social pressure to not be excited anymore. Brene Brown, in an online class on vulnerability, said if she really told certain groups how happy and excited she is about her day, she will get skewered. she said being busy [and unhappy and un-childlike (read serious and bitter)] is a status symbol.

life can be busy and not always what we want it to be. sometimes the maintenance of bitterness, and needing to prove that things suck, and the refusal to accept the possibilities that are present, prevent us from becoming unstuck and free.

could i be childlike and have no shame and fear? could i be childlike despite my shame and fear?

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psychotherapy is… part 1

psychotherapy and acceptance can seem to have paradoxical goals. how can i change if i accept myself, how can i accept myself if i want to change. yet acceptance-based psychotherapies are proliferating. it is important to clarify what psychotherapy is. i will have to define it for myself as schools of thought can vary on this. i see the role of a psychotherapist to be that of a mirror. a clear accurate reflection back of oneself. as the instrument is human, it is easy to interject inaccuracies.

this is why it is so important for therapists to analyze their own biases as they can easily be projected. although it may not be possible to be perfect, the aspiration is to be as accurate as possible.

as we are born and as we grow, we are impacted by many factors. our genetic predispositions, our environment, our learning… the universe affects us as we affect the universe. therefore what we are exposed to shapes what we become and how we perceive ourselves and the world. but sometimes what we learn is not true. sometimes the conclusions we reach are not accurate. a child may believe that she is worthless because she was neglected. a boy who was in a car accident may learn to fear cars. these beliefs can be poignant, and may even seem logical. as meaning-making beings we develop beliefs to simplify our worlds and try to use these beliefs to protect us. however, although one can understand why these beliefs were adopted, they can cause a lot of pain.

people seek psychotherapy when they’re in emotional distress. it is important to ask where the distress emerges from. due to perceptive biases we are often selective of what information we attend to and what we reject. the mode of thinking that produces suffering can cloud our views and create perceptions that cause distress.

truth is important. if i am really worthless i want to know that. however most of the time these conclusions are reached by selective attention. i may focus on being ignored by parents but i may not remember that i am a good student or that my friends like me. i may ignore the little voice that says i’m ok. seeing the world accurately involves taking a step back from the emotional entanglement of the situation.

sometimes we may need a proxy or a mirror to help us see.

Carl Rogers said “the curious paradox of life is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” acceptance should not be a trick to make ourselves change. what this quote highlights is an invitation to see and understand ourselves clearly. to be fully in the presence of who i am, in this moment, fully. while this is difficult and can be frightening, the image we have of what we will uncover is scarier than what we really are. and even if we are shocked to see our true selves, it is uncomfortable but we survive. instead of being afraid of invisible, unknown, lurking threats, we become familiar with who we are.

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how to meditate

an open awareness and mindfulness meditation

seat:

sit on a chair or cross-legged on a cushion on the floor. find a way to sit that works for you. find stability in your posture and groundedness in your seat. if on a chair, feel your feet flat on the floor and establish connection to the ground. if on a cushion, feel connection to the ground through your seat.

hands:

rest your hands on your thighs. alternatively, place one hand on top of another with your thumbs gently touching.

back:

keep your back upright in a comfortable, yet non-rigid, posture. you may gently rock back and forth to find a neutral posture. feel a string pull the top of your head towards the sky to help with posture.

mouth:

you may keep your mouth very slightly open. the openness is not visible to others but allows your breath to flow.

eyes:

keep your eyes open with a soft gaze and no specific focus. if meditating in a group, individuals often lower the gaze few feet ahead towards the floor.

aspiration for attitude:

allow your awareness to be open and accepting. allow yourself to be in the present moment without judgment. internal and external events will occur such as thoughts and emotions, or sounds and sights. allow these to pass through your consciousness, as if you are watching a show in which you are not an actor.

everything passes through your awareness, without rejection or attraction or apathy. with this openness and curiosity, allow yourself to just be. it is natural that you will be distracted or get stuck on ideas or feelings. this is a natural part of the process. when you realize you are lost or stuck, gently return to your open and aware consciousness.

this is simple but not easy (Christopher Germer, mindfulness and psychotherapy, 2013). start with five minutes a day. be with what is, openly willing to be with where you are now with you as you are now. if you are bored, open up to that, if you are frustrated that you are bored, open up to THAT, you’re just watching, right here, without trying to do anything. this is be-ing instead of do-ing.

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mindfulness is…

mindfulness is being here, in this present moment, non-judgmentally, with acceptance, awareness and compassion. it is not emptying the mind or stopping all thoughts or eliminating all emotions. it is not relaxation. it is not an escape or distraction. it is being more fully with all that is, inside and outside (perhaps they are one and the same).

it is important to start with what mindfulness is not. it seems as though acknowledging what mindfulness is NOT will allow a gentle dropping away of habitual constructs to reveal an awareness that always is.

mindfulness can look like mental gymnastics, striving, grasping, competing, to become better, more peaceful, more spiritual, more… in this form it becomes the opposite of acceptance. there is a fervor to be somewhere else, to be better.

mindfulness is being just as things are. it is seeing clearly the true nature of reality, without excess negativity or positivity. just as is.

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