we discuss boundaries in many realms. having boundaries, setting your boundaries, being separate, are said to be good things. boundaries protect us. it can leave our egos intact. it makes it easier to say no. it makes it easier to know what the rules are so that we do not transgress them. in a way it is an establishment of rules and policies that protect us from having to make decisions.
however when we set boundaries we often forget why we set them. we become freed from needing to make spontaneous decisions. we are absolved of needing to see each person and each situation uniquely. it takes away from the freshness of the situation, it takes away from the uniqueness of a relationship. especially when certain boundaries are implied and not negotiated in each instance.
boundaries and rules let me say “sorry we don’t do that” without taking personal responsibility for the decision… “it’s our policy” and “i’m not supposed to” are easy escapes to fall back on. but enhanced awareness and presence of boundaries also keeps away meaningful opportunities. it keeps me from asking questions, of doing things differently, of assuming inherent superiority with how things have always been done. it keeps me from seeing each situation uniquely, it takes away my opportunity to say no because i believe it to be no.
the boundaries themselves are initially inert concepts which then have the potential of becoming larger than what created them. if we look at the boundary between nations, it quickly disrobes any pretense we have. people living 10 feet away from each other become of different nations, neighbors become enemies. in fact as we see maps from such young ages, we don’t even realize that the earth does not really have lines between nations, or that the north and the south are arbitrary names we created, there really is not an up and a down in the universe. these boundaries are created, for power control and safety.
as long as the boundaries serve why they were created, it is not a major problem. however when the boundaries start barricading love and good will and spontaneity and creativity… the boundaries become a burden that we forget we created and are not “real.”
we preach mixed messages, we encourage following rules while we encourage standing out, we encourage creativity but we also encourage avoiding risk. we encourage being an individual but we want to batch process everyone… the discussion around rigid boundaries and rules stretches to any all or nothing issues. ultimately we have to be ok with the moment to moment ambiguity of our lives.
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